Palm Tree

I tried to save your palm tree because I thought I could save you.  By the time i got the tree it was too late.  It had sat in darkness too long, it had been cut down to nothing.  Neglected too long before i tried to fix it.  Bring it back. I fought for it.

For a while, it seemed, to revive and started to come back.  the little bit that was hanging on hung on a little bit tighter.

But now that your gone, the palm is going too.  The last of yours is dying along with the palm. The last bit is going away.

I tried to save you but you were too far gone.  How could you deceive me like that?  How could you not fight?  Was I that much of a disappointment? all of us? To not give you a reason to fight?  Ive neglected the tree, I’ve stopped watering it, put it in a place that doesn’t get the best winter light.

was that how it was?? is that what we did? not give you the light you needed?  not give you the water you needed? did we stop feeding your soul?

I gave you every reason to hope, to live , to see us grow.  I wanted you to see my children grow.  At times I am so mad at you.  I know what you did was wrong.  all those pills, all those years.  The alcohol the suppressed appetite the self diagnosing.  The depression, the illusion of your trauma, not telling your parents about it.  Not getting the help you needed.  Why did you hide it, the depression?

Now the tree is practically dead, you are dead.  I cannot bring it back.  There is not enough water, there is not enough light.  I cannot bring you back.