Last weekend I attended church for the first time since Mary passed away. I was not happy about going. Not because it was church but because my Dad was supposed to take the kids to church and promised that he would. I texted him and called him but no answer. All my kids were dressed and waiting. I did not hear from him it was 20 minutes to start time.
I got emotional instantly. I was totally upset. I didn’t want to go. Not because I was not ready, I just feel differently about church these days. Mary always wanted me to go to church more. She wanted to make sure that I was worshiping, being in fellowship and most importantly learning about the Gods message in scripture.
I cried all the way to church. The kids went their ways and I was in the main sanctuary and listening to announcements and a picture came to mind… It was on a mountain top, the cross over looked a valley in the mountains. It was the place I took communion and fully accepted Jesus as my savior. I was just a teenager, but it was that place and everything about that place that I felt closer to God then ever before. Ever since that time in the mountains my church has not been tied to a building within 4 walls. My Church has been the world and all that God has created. Love, Compassion, Fellowship have always been my guiding principles.
But at the root of it all, Mary has always been my spiritual guide. I can on few occasions not been right with God, but she never once gave up on me, or judged me for that. She always new my heart was in the right place and believed me that I was right with the Lord. I know in my heart that I am right with the lord and I know that I don’t need a building to reinforce that belief. I need this picture. I need Mary’s reassuring “Pray about it,” This picture, this place, and Mary will live in my heart forever.
Mary never saw this place, but I was able to describe it and live it for her all the years we were together. She was like this picture…pure and simple. Her love was all encompassing but so simple too. So profound, yet so easy. God should be that way. Faith should be that way. Being love should be our mantra. Mary was not only an angel of God but she embodied God. She was a reflection of that love.
This picture, this place and Mary is where my heart knew about that love. That is where my heart will go when I am troubled, I will find that place where I knew true love. So why was I so upset that I had to go to church??? Maybe it was promise made that was broken, maybe it was a place that only some and very few really live this love that I am speaking. Maybe our world is so quick to judge that most of it happens with in those walls and to be honest…I don’t need that kind of judgement. God knows that… My Church will always resemble this place high upon that Mountain Top.
Kris's Khaos 