SO on October 10th of this year, my step mom passed away.  I know it’s an unusual way to start a blog, but I need somewhere to be hysterical.  I need a place where I can “call her” and talk about all the random shit that fly’s through my mind and I would call her to tell her about it.  I will start with her Eulogy in which I wrote and delivered at her service on October 24th. Coping with her loss is another story.

Take for a moment and imagine that we are at the kitchen table…and picture Mary. Sitting there across from you or next to you, and see her smile, and imagine her laughing and telling you it’s going to be okay.

I believe that Mary was an angel. She was on this earth to love the people in her life and everyone she met. I believe that she was an instrument of God, giving love, unconditional love to all she came in contact with. She always had a smile on her face, she always complimented you, she had large warm hugs and her laugh, her laugh, was infectious. My dad put it best, “the music that had been playing everyday in his life( our lives) has ended after 30 years (all the years we have known her).”

I would be lying if I told you I was okay. I am not okay. I am actually angry, grief-stricken and broken-hearted beyond words. She was my mother. She raised my brother and me because God knew that we would need her. I always used to make her tell me the story of how we met… I was 2 years old. And on the weekends my dad had Tony. After some time she asked my dad, “don’t you have a daughter???” and he answered yes. She asked him, “Why don’t you have her on weekends with you?” He replied, “I don’t change diapers!” She said, “well that’s ridiculous, I can change diapers, you need to have your daughter with you!” so the next weekend I was with my dad and she was changing my diapers. I had a mother, God just knew, along with my brother, we would need her, and my dad would need her.  

She had tried to have children when she was previously married, but God had other plans. When her son David Joseph was born, she knew along with her mother Mae that he was not meant to be on this earth long and that his time with his mother was short. He only lived 4 hours. She didn’t talk much about him, but knew that she one day would be reunited. That he would be opening the doors of heaven for her. I know that for many years losing him brought her sadness, but what that experience gave her was this unconditional love that she shared with every person she came in contact with. I like to think that God had this plan that we are just not allowed to see and that HE with faith, hope and whole Lotta love, puts into action events that are out of our control; that there are events that connect us in ways that we don’t recognize until its time. It’s mysterious that when God closes a door, he opens another. It may not be a door but a window. And that the things that we want the most, are disguised in other things and we just have to believe to see it.

She was passionately in love with my father. She did everything for him and most importantly with him. And even in times when he was not easy to get along with… She always stood by him. All I can think of when I was a teenager was her singing at the top of her lungs “stand by your man” on our drives through the canyon to school each morning. Through song she was teaching me about the importance of marriage and what it really means to be married. It’s not something you can teach or talk about, but she wanted someway to help me understand that Marriage is not perfect, its hard work, but that forgiveness and love keep a marriage strong. Now that I am married, I finally understand what she meant all those years ago, and what she lived every day, how proud of my father she was and that no matter what they did, and where they went or what venture they pursued. She was undeniably in love with my father. And she always, no matter what, stood by her man.

When my brother and I were kids, she would harp on us about certain things…She hated tapping and clicking…oh she could not stand it. So naturally my brother and I would do those things. One of the big things she used to say to Tony and I was, “ you just wait till you have kids…” well it wasn’t too long after my brother was out of the house and on his own that all of her infinite wisdom came to life. She used to love to get phone calls from Tony and he would just go on and on about the messes his roommates would leave and how much things would cost and when he had his own daughter, he would call Mary about those trials and tribulations, and Mary would just smile and laugh and listen. She got such satisfaction out of knowing that her love and persistence paid dividends. She loved my brother with all her heart and was blessed to have him in her life and proud of him and his accomplishments over the years.  She was a proud mama to me and to my children. She, no matter what state she was in, suffering or not, would take Mia or my children so that she could be with them. She transcended love.

She was like a mother to so many of us. You could always call her and she would listen and give you advice if you needed it. Her outlook on life was up lifting. And if you needed it she would offer a smoke to you if you were really having anxiety. (maybe not the best of plans but it was Mary how could you say no???) With smoke in hand, late at nights at the kitchen table, she would counsel us. She would read devotionals to us, and captivated us with heart breaking stories where she came out on top, laughing and smiling. She would share stories of her mothers past and show us that the simple joys in life were the biggest joys in life.

I think that all of us have this underlying sense that Mary knew us better than ourselves. That with her faith, she moved us, with her hope, she made us feel better and with her love, she gave us the greatest gift. I have so many wonderful memories of her and she has been preparing me for life in ways that I never saw coming. She taught me about the love that Jesus has for us and that even though we are but a speck of sand in time, we are eternal in our love, and that God loves us who belieith in Him. Her one and only disappointment in life, was not getting her family to church more, not getting my children to church more and what she wanted more than anything was for us to believe with all our hearts so that we can be reunited again in heaven. She wanted so badly for anyone who was not sure or had a hint of exploration to explore the possibility that there is something greater than our selves working in our lives each and every day.

For Lori and Christian, She was so happy that you came into our lives. Lori she was never more proud that my brother would finally have someone who would love him and take care of him and love his daughter as you have. Christian, she knew how very much in love you were with me. She knew what I was taking on and knew how in love I was with you. She was so happy that her children found the loves of their lives. She wanted nothing more for us than to be loved and to be happy. That brought her the greatest joy.

Well I can go on and on about all the influence that Mary had on everyone, how she made us feel and the fierce love for her family that she bestowed upon us all. That she was a loyal and loving friend, and not to mention all the incredible talents that I didn’t share. But I will leave you with a few of my favorite things…Things Mary would want you to know.

1. Laugh at people and yourself Falling.

Lets face it its funny Falling is funny. When my kids fall, I laugh, and then make them get up, dust them off, hug them and reassure them its okay… Its life it happens we all fall down that’s what she would say, get back up and keep moving.  And most importantly laugh at your self.

2. It’s okay to be Hysterical.

Smile through it- tough things happen and sometimes it’s necessary to be overly happy. Whenever something big happened, not so good, she would Laugh at it. She had a kind of laugh for hysteria that those that are closest to her knew what that meant. It was her way of dealing with the unknown in life and also to remind us that things are not forever in this world. But that laughter lessons the blow to really big heartache and pain.

TREE STORY HERE…

3. Watch these movies she would say!

Fried Green Tomatoes- There are angles on earth masquerading as people and she was one of them, and always “secrets’ is in the sauce.” Sound of Music- When a door closes, God opens a window and she was a lover of “a few of my favorite things…” Thelma and Louise-  when I was a teenager we watched this movie and she said it was important to watch, for the message is important. The power of friendship is one of the keys to life. So, and she would want you to find a girlfriend( or a friend) you can misbehave with, talk with, be yourself with, and take the plunge with and laugh with through all of life’s unknowable’s. Steel Magnolias-losing a child before you- the grief is unbearable. We want to question God when he takes those before us and we don’t know why. The anger you feel when things don’t go as planned. Your Family, whom ever you designate them to be, are the people who you know will love and support you no matter what. They do not discriminate, they do not judge, but love you through all the good times and bad.

4. Lastly, find the joy in everyday things,
   1. Use your Manners
   2. Give someone a compliment
   3. Give someone a hug
   4. Tell someone you love them
   5. And laugh, dance, laugh!!!

 

And tell your self “this too shall pass.”